Day 3 – Valuing Yourself

Posted April 1st, 2011 in Psychology of Disease and tagged , , , by Rebecca Lane

Does how you love yourself affect how others love you?

I Need Love

Yesterday was a day filled with challenges. And I didn’t react to them in a way that I’m totally proud of. But I learned some lessons as a result of my responses that I think are important to share.

I’m in the midst of many changes – developing Turning Point Nutrition into a business that offers real value for people with breast cancer, going through peri-menopause, and parenting two teenagers who are themselves in the stage of moving away from home or at least starting to think that way. Yesterday I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere with TPN and started to feel like everything I do has no value. Sometimes I get like that – one little thing becomes EVERYthing! Know what I mean?

To compound this, my son came home from school with a poor result on a test. And again, somehow this was my ‘failure’. Then my husband called to say that he wouldn’t be home for dinner, and my daughter had made other plans!

Alex doesn’t really like fish – and that was the last straw. I just couldn’t face making fish noodle soup bowl and then listening to him complain about “fish again!” So we went to Wendy’s for dinner. “Failed” again.

This morning, things are a little brighter – it’s amazing how much better the world is in the morning, outside, when the sun is shining. While walking the dog, I came to several realizations. How I feel about myself changes moment by moment – and I need to be gentle with myself as I navigate through these changes. Further, how I feel about myself affects how others treat me. When I treat myself with value and respect, in turn I feel valued and respected. When I treat myself as a failure, I feel like others treat me as if I’m not important, or valuable. Whether or not its true doesn’t matter, that’s how I FEEL.

I think one of the reasons why we went to Wendy’s last night is because I needed to be ‘refuelled’ – I needed to be reminded of how valuable I really am, I needed to be shown love, and I went looking for a ‘quick fix’. In an extended family community of old, I probably would have gone home to my mother for dinner – but it’s a long drive to Ottawa! But that’s what I needed.

It’s not what I got.

So, how can we develop ways to ‘refuel’ without filling ourselves with empty food (that’s what I call fast, packaged, or fried food) or going on ‘retail therapy’ trips with money that belongs to the bank?

I thought that just by having all of the ingredients at home, and a plan for what I would make, would be enough to keep me on track. But that wasn’t the case this time.

I was thinking that one thing that I can do is to put a couple of meals away in the freezer for days like last night. Not leftovers, but meals that I’ve actually prepared on days when I have extra love and energy to spare for a rainy day. Something that will freeze well and that the family will enjoy without complaint – like a vegetarian lasagne, or spaghetti sauce, or shepherd’s pie. I might even wrap it up with a card to remind myself that there will be good days again!

The other is to call a friend and tell her how very important she is to me, so on the days when I need it, she can remind me of how important I am to her! What goes around comes around. We just need to send it out there first, so that it can come back – like setting up a savings account for a rainy day!

So, needless to say, we’re having Fish Noodle Soup bowl for dinner tonight! Hopefully my family will be home to enjoy it with me.

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3 Responses so far.

  1. frostwire says:

    trying to find you on facebook, wats ur profile

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