Lately, I have been rereading the writing of don Miguel Ruiz, and discovered his son’s book The Five Levels of Attachment. This work has really helped me to solidify my understanding of attachments and agreements and I thought to work through my understanding with you here.

You see, I love helping people discover themself, their true self. Part of that discovery can entail healing the physical body – but sometimes this healing can take time. As a ‘healer’ sometimes I notice myself feeling disappointment that someone I’m working with isn’t feeling better, isn’t recognizing themselves the way I see them.

When you begin to look after yourself, you start a journey of loving and accepting who you are right now – all parts of whomever that is. It requires consciously, truthfully looking at who you are right now – and noticing the stories and beliefs around who you should be, what you should look like, who you should be with, what you should be doing, where you are. All of these shoulds cause us so much pain! These are our attachments. We can be so attached to these stories that we are unable to see our own truth. They can sometimes be more real than our own truth. They become like a fog that swirls around us blocking the light that is our true essence.

Getting attached to results – as in my wanting people to feel better – is one of these stories or attachments. When I look at what it means for another to be better, to heal, I am looking only from my own limited perspective. I have no idea what the other is experiencing.

And it goes deeper than that. My needing to see results is caused by my own negative core beliefs, in this case – I am not enough – a very common core belief! When I experience someone ‘not healing’, it reaffirms my own story that I am not good enough at what I do. You can see that this can become a never ending cycle.

So now, look at it. Who is responsible for healing? I am. There is only me at the center of it all. It is my belief that needs to be noticed, to be honoured, to be respected, to be loved. Every part of me requires love and respect to be free.

I hear you belief, I love you, I honour you, I respect you – and I release you

As you slowly, gently, continuously release from these attachments you become clearer. You become the beacon, the bright light of love here on Earth – the light you were born to be. Its not about being more – its about being less. Releasing your beliefs makes you lighter, brighter. You are a clear example of what it truly means to be yourself.

I know – so what happened to Days 6 through 8? Life happened, or in this case, death. Over the weekend, two of my high school friends lost a parent, so I packed up two black dresses and headed to Petrolia so that I could show them my support and love for them. But I received a lot more than I gave.

When I left Petrolia for university, I lost touch with all of my girlfriends from high school. Three years ago we reconnected through the wonder of Facebook. Two years ago we got together for a Soul Sisters retreat weekend and found out how wonderful it is to get together with women of the same age and similar background and find out the journeys our lives had taken us on. Two weekends ago we were together again for our second Soul Sisters retreat at the Scandinave Spa in Blue Mountain. What a cleansing, renewing experience that was.

This was different. First, I called up a friend whom I had always loved and admired, but never been really close with and asked if I could stay with her. She welcomed me with open arms and greeted me at the door with an open bottle of wine and chocolate! Who could ask for more? We stayed up and giggled, while remembering the years gone by and got to know each other again. I met her husband and son and learned even more about this beautiful, strong woman.

After a great sleep, far away from streetlights, I was awakened to the blessed aroma of coffee (yeah, I know its not good for me) and we talked and laughed some more as we got dressed and ready for the funeral.

I won’t go into details of the funeral, but the number of people there were a testament to the people this farming man touched while on earth – whether through his own words or deeds, or those of his children and grandchildren. I was moved most by the words of his family after the funeral service – and by the hug from his daughter.

The second funeral was very different from the first, but again I was moved by the words spoken from the heart about this creative, artistic, loving woman who had touched so many lives while on earth. And again it was the hugs that I will cherish.

I realized that we are remembered by our words and actions, not by our regrets for what we should have done or might have been. By the bodies that we have hugged, by the tears that we have kissed, by the times we sit and listen, by the laughter (and wine) that we have shared.

I will always remember these past two days – thank you to my friends for sharing their love and for being open to receiving my love back in return.

Before I left for Petrolia, I made a huge pot of chili for my family back at home. My intent was that on Monday night they could have the chili with a salad, and then on Tuesday night they could make fajitas.

Chicken Chili Con Carne with beans and vegetables

1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 ½ lbs. of ground chicken or turkey
1 cup coarsely chopped onions
½ diced red pepper
½ diced green pepper
2 stalks celery, diced
2 large garlic cloves
2 16 oz cans chopped tomatoes (my own tomatoes are long gone, so I used Eden)
1 can kidney beans
1 can pinto peans
¼ cup chilli powder
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp salt

In large Dutch oven, over medium-high heat, cook chicken in oil. Once chicken is cooked, add the onions, peppers, celery and garlic until onions are tender – about 10 minutes – stirring frequently.

Add tomatoes and their liquid, chilli powder, cayenne, and salt. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to low and cover and simmer for 1 hour stirring occasionally.

Stir in beans. Serve in soup bowls with grated cheddar cheese and fresh cilantro on top.

Yesterday was a day filled with challenges. And I didn’t react to them in a way that I’m totally proud of. But I learned some lessons as a result of my responses that I think are important to share.

I’m in the midst of many changes – developing Turning Point Nutrition into a business that offers real value for people with breast cancer, going through peri-menopause, and parenting two teenagers who are themselves in the stage of moving away from home or at least starting to think that way. Yesterday I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere with TPN and started to feel like everything I do has no value. Sometimes I get like that – one little thing becomes EVERYthing! Know what I mean?

To compound this, my son came home from school with a poor result on a test. And again, somehow this was my ‘failure’. Then my husband called to say that he wouldn’t be home for dinner, and my daughter had made other plans!

Alex doesn’t really like fish – and that was the last straw. I just couldn’t face making fish noodle soup bowl and then listening to him complain about “fish again!” So we went to Wendy’s for dinner. “Failed” again.

This morning, things are a little brighter – it’s amazing how much better the world is in the morning, outside, when the sun is shining. While walking the dog, I came to several realizations. How I feel about myself changes moment by moment – and I need to be gentle with myself as I navigate through these changes. Further, how I feel about myself affects how others treat me. When I treat myself with value and respect, in turn I feel valued and respected. When I treat myself as a failure, I feel like others treat me as if I’m not important, or valuable. Whether or not its true doesn’t matter, that’s how I FEEL.

I think one of the reasons why we went to Wendy’s last night is because I needed to be ‘refuelled’ – I needed to be reminded of how valuable I really am, I needed to be shown love, and I went looking for a ‘quick fix’. In an extended family community of old, I probably would have gone home to my mother for dinner – but it’s a long drive to Ottawa! But that’s what I needed.

It’s not what I got.

So, how can we develop ways to ‘refuel’ without filling ourselves with empty food (that’s what I call fast, packaged, or fried food) or going on ‘retail therapy’ trips with money that belongs to the bank?

I thought that just by having all of the ingredients at home, and a plan for what I would make, would be enough to keep me on track. But that wasn’t the case this time.

I was thinking that one thing that I can do is to put a couple of meals away in the freezer for days like last night. Not leftovers, but meals that I’ve actually prepared on days when I have extra love and energy to spare for a rainy day. Something that will freeze well and that the family will enjoy without complaint – like a vegetarian lasagne, or spaghetti sauce, or shepherd’s pie. I might even wrap it up with a card to remind myself that there will be good days again!

The other is to call a friend and tell her how very important she is to me, so on the days when I need it, she can remind me of how important I am to her! What goes around comes around. We just need to send it out there first, so that it can come back – like setting up a savings account for a rainy day!

So, needless to say, we’re having Fish Noodle Soup bowl for dinner tonight! Hopefully my family will be home to enjoy it with me.

Incoming search terms:

• rebecca lane turning point